About a year ago, something big happened in my life.
To try to cope with this thing that happened, I decided to create a podcast.
I needed to focus on something, anything, to take my mind off something that basically destroyed my very sense of self-belief. It sounds ridiculous now when I look back, and probably one of the main reasons I struggled to get it off the ground initially. I was trying to focus and I couldn’t focus.
I had the name, the vision, the social media handles. I started building up a network of other movie podcasters I enjoyed talking to, who were anxious to know when my show would be out.
“Soon!”, I kept saying, “Really soon!”
It took the death of my grandfather just before Christmas to finally give me that push. My Grandad was literally the greatest, kindest man in the world. He, along with my late Grandma, were my favourite people growing up. Grandma, because she was always so stylish, but had a fierce, formidable side to her (you did not cross my Grandma!) and Grandad because he always took the time to listen to what I had to say. Even in his 90th year on this earth, he still just loved to talk to me, share his stories (often the same stories he told me the last time I visited!) and always said he loved to hear my stories in return.
My Grandma died when I was 26 and I got a tattoo shortly after, because although she hated tattoos, I’m sure she’d love what it symbolises. (I’m really sorry I got that tattoo, Grandma!)
My Grandad died last Christmas and I did the most grown-up thing I could do and I visited him in the funeral home to pay my respects to him. It was something I’d never done before, but something I was insistent I wanted to do alone. I just wanted to talk to him one last time….
And so, I told him I was going to start my podcast. I was going to try my hardest. I was going to learn everything I needed to learn to make it as good as I could. Because he believed in me, he always told me I could do anything; I just told myself I couldn’t/shouldn’t/wouldn’t.
And so…. I started a podcast.